Kronos's Diary
by ChildInMe
Summary: Kronos, our favorite bad guy in PJO, keeps a girly diary. Now what could be in this diary? The inside mind of what we once thought was a threatening villain.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Kronos's Diary**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own PJO.**

**Summary: Kronos, our favorite bad guy in PJO, keeps a diary. Now what could be in this diary? The inside mind of what we thought was a threatening villain.**

Dear Diary,

My name is Kronos. Actually, sometimes I spell it Cronos, but I later changed it because Kronos looks more eviler!

My hobbies are being evil, planning world domination and destruction, manipulating my gullible grandkiddies, and annoying my siblings, the Titans.

My father was Uranus, and my mom was Earth. They're such selfish jerks. That's why I cut up Dad with a scythe and overthrew him. But then my little ninny of a son, Zeus, slashed me up with the same scythe and then overthrew me.

Right now, I'm chopped up into teeny, tiny pieces and thrown into the deepest pit in the Underworld. It sucks here. Recently, I've started talking to one of my more clueless descendants, a boy named Luke. Hopefully, he'll get me out. He's my strongest supporter right now.

Speaking of descendants, I'm trying to turn one towards my cause. His name is Percy Jackson. That's a stupid name. I can't imagine my stupid ocean son, Poseidon, naming his kid Percy. Percy. That's such a girly name! I gave cool names to my ungrateful children. Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Hestia, and Demeter!

So anyways, I'm interested in Percy at the moment. It used to be that Thalia brat. I call her the Zeus brat, the same way I call Percy "the Poseidon brat."

My inferior brother, Atlas, gave this to me as a present. Though how he went and bought a diary and wrapped it with pink wrapping paper while holding the sky, I have no clue.

Whatever, I'm going to eat brownies now.

_Dear Diary,_

_Being stuck in the realm of my third least favorite son is quite boring. There is nothing to do here, and my request for board games are always turned down._

_Luke brought me news that the Poseidon brat has reached Camp Half Blood. Oh, yippee. I couldn't care less. As long as everything goes to plan, I'm happy._

_Get this, the brat killed the Minotaur! Ha! Luke brought me a picture of him. Like any of my grandkids, he looks ugly, wimpy, and short. Hard to imagine him killing the Minotaur. Luke said it was a fluke. I think he's right._

_Hades, stupid kid, says, "No more conspiring against Olympians, or no brownies!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love brownies. But if I must go without them, I will. I will have my revenge upon you!_

Dear Diary,

This evil morning, I got out my evil toothpaste and evil toothbrush, which I named Evil Hygiene. While I was evilly brushing my teeth, my once good but now evil descendant, Luke, gave me the news that he prepared the evil hellhound attack in an evil game of capture the evil flag.

"Muwahahahahahahahahah! My evil plan for an evil world begins evilly anew!" I told Evil Hygiene.

Afterwards, I was in such a good mood, I baked evil cookies.

_Dear Diary,_

_My plan is going smoothly. That Poseidon brat has gone a quest with two other irrelevant people, a daughter of Athena named Annabeth, and a satyr named Grover. That Luke better not mess up my plan!_

_When I laugh evilly, Hades tells me to shut up. Ungrateful son._

_I will do a victory dance instead. Soon, Poseidon Brat will come into my pit and I will brainwash him into my zombie slave!_

_MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!_

_Oops. Hades is telling me to shut up now._


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Poseidon Brat is taking much too long. To pass the time, I force my evil descendant, Luke, to play Monopoly: Evil Kronos Version with me online. He always lost, because I'm so awesome at evil Monopoly.

I'm going to ask Evil Luke to bring some books and magazines for me to read. This is such a bore.

_Dear Diary,_

_I got news that the Poseidon Brat is getting even closer. Soon my evil plan will succeed!_

_Evil Luke brought me the books and magazines I've requested. They are most amusing. Especially the political ones. I'm going to get that ugly and annoying but not evil grandson of mine, Ares, to stir up some more war._

_Evil Hygiene really gets the job done. I love him so much!_

Dear Diary,

Evil Luke has sent me a notice saying that Poseidon Brat met up with Ares. Hooray! My plan shall begin! I hope that my more rebellious (and not nearly as handsome as his father) so will not mind if I kidnap his only half blood child and brainwash him heavily into overthrowing the Olympians.

Evil Luke has also smuggled some brownies for me and some floss friends for Evil Hygiene. What a good, evil great grandson! Tee hee hee!

_Dear Diary, _

_While reading the material that Evil Luke has sent me, I have reached one conclusion._

_The only reason why the government wants to lessen obesity in American children is because that if they die too early of heart failure, they will not contribute as much to the Social Security bank, and then the president won't have enough money to buy enough Oreos to supply the White House for eternity!_

_It's a conspiracy! And everyone thinks I'm evil!_

Dear Diary,

After I told Evil Luke about the conspiracy, he laughed. So I punished him severely. He must clean my room every single day until he graduates from college. But he'll never graduate unless he goes to college, which he will be unable to do, since he will be so faithfully serving me!

Tee hee hee! I'm more eviller than I look like! (Which isn't saying much, since I am chopped up into teesny, tiny bits. However, I am still indisputably the most good looking immortal ever.)


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Like I've said before, Poseidon Brat and his little friends are taking much too long. I've started complaining to Evil Hygiene and Evil Luke (whenever he's around). Evil Hygiene is so patient to me, but Evil Luke is a different story.

I've started playing Dance Dance Revolution with Evil Luke whenever he's around. He always says I cheat by knocking him over, but I have every right to do so! How can one play Dance Dance Revolution when one is chopped up into itsy, bitsy bits?

I sent a postcard to Atlas from the Underworld Shop. "Wish you could be here. Eternal torment reigns evilly around here. Love, your little brother, Kronos (the most evillest mortal/immortal/being/thing/evillness ever.)"

_Dear Diary,_

_I've got news that Poseidon Brat and his ugly crew have been not so evilly trapped inside the Lotus Casino. Ugh!_

_One day, I'm going to tear that casino down. It is such a nuisance, and has interfered with many of my plans. Take those two kids of Hades, Bianca and Nico di Angelo. If only I could get the two of them and Poseidon Brat out, and then revive Zeus Brat using the Golden Fleece, I'll have four opportunities of controlling the super dangerous prophecy._

_MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!_

_Evil Luke says it's a complicated idea. I told him to just shut up._

Dear Diary,

Hades took away my EZ BAKE OVEN!!!! NO!!! Now I will be unable to bake those luscious cookie and cakes. (He had taken away my brownie material earlier.) I am so depressed. I am showing all signs of depression. I will make a list of them.

Signs of Depression of Evil Lord Kronos (Made Evilly by the evil rascal himself)

Urge to eat ice cream

Urge to sit on coach all day

Urge to watch Pokemon and Powerpuff Girls all the way (You go, Buttercup!)

Urge to cry when Evil Luke appears

Extra comfort in Evil Hygiene

Sniff. I'm crying right now.

_Dear Diary,_

_Evil Luke says that I have been acting oddly. Mostly, I sit at my brown, raggedy couch and watch reruns of Pokemon and Powerpuff Girls. I also have been eating a wide variety of ice cream flavors. I especially like mixing up pistachio and chocolate and honey together to make a new ice cream flavor. It's Evil Kronos Pistachio Chocolate Honey. Pretty catch name, no?_

_I've also found out that famous ice cream chain called Baskin Robbins is really a terrorist organization who sneaks in brainwashing pills in the vanilla flavored parts of ice cream so that they can control America. I very smartly managed to deduce that after watching an episode where Buttercup beats up some people._

_You go girl!_

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**In celebration of the fourth PJO book (Battle of the Labyrinth, coming out in May), I will be doing a request fic for the lucky fourth person who sends me a PM with the following:**

**Basic plot summary. Must be short enough to fit in. (Example: Percy and Grover must fulfill a prophecy that involves two other mysterious demigods.)(Example 2: Annabeth goes on a quest by herself to save Percy.)**

**Ending. Just write a few sentences. (Example: Percy and Grover find the demigods and fight with the Kronos kids. They later go to Camp Half Blood.) My examples suck.**

**Pairings if any. No homosexuality. (Percabeth, Percianca, Thaluke, etc. Okay, I made up weird abbreviations, but who cares! Moving on.)**

**Number of chapters. (Limit: five)**

**Title (Cuz I'm too lazy to think of one for your summary)**

**Other: Must not be rated 'M' as I see it, only up to three deaths (it would be weird if everyone died), can be a crossover to my other fics**

**ANOTHER IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT**

**For the lucky eleventh person, I will do a oneshot.**


	4. Chapter 4

PART 2 (Sea of Monsters)

Note: If you read "Thalia's Summer" and hate spoilers, then don't read.

Dear Diary,

It's been a long time since I wrote! That's because I was battling with a long depression of losing my tootbrush. But don't worry, I'm better now.

It's really weird. Half of me is inside a weirdo coffin, and the other half of me is still in the Underworlds. It's another one of my evil schemes to get out of here!

MUWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

In other news, I sent some lastygonnnies to bother Poseidon Brat. (At least I think they're lastrygonnies. It's hard to pronounce, and even harder to spell!) I hope they don't kill him. Maybe I shouldn't have sent them in the first place.

Evil Luke has already set my evil plan in motion. He got one of his evil subordinate spy, Richard Something, to poison Zeus Brat's Tree. This will result in some ridiculously complicated move in which Zeus Brat gets revived.

(Cue evil laugh.)

I anticipate tommorow.

_Dear Diary,_

_Plans are going according to plan._

_I've found a new substitute for Evil Hygiene. I call him Teddy. He's a teddy bear, in case you didn't know._

_Teddy's so cute! He has perfect glass eyes and snuggly brown fur. Now only if I had Flipsy, the flipping dog…_

_(Flipsy the flipping dog is property of the people who made Fairly Odd Parents.)_

_Anyways, now that everyone knows that Zeus Brat's tree is poisoned, my not evil horse son will get fired from his teaching position, and everything else that pertains to it. I really am evil, aren't I?_

_I hope that my ridiculously complicated plan will work._

Dear Diary,

I got another postcard from Atlas, this time complaining. He has to hold up the sky, big deal. I could hold ten skies without breaking a sweat! Except I don't have the time to actually try that out of course. Yeah.

Hubris is not my fatal flaw because I CAN'T DIE SO NOTHING'S FATAL! SO HA!

Teddy has been a huge comfort to me. I love him forever and ever. I still long for Evil Hygiene, though. Damn that Hades all the way down to Hades! Wait a minute, does that make sense? Ah well, it doesn't matter.

_Dear Diary,_

_Found out one of Ares's brats has been sent on a quest for the Golden Fleece. No, no, no! This is all wrong! Poseidon Brat must come. Possibly accompanied by his little friends so I could wreak a most horrible revenge on them for ruining my previous plan._

_Must manipulate Hermes by sending a manipulating dream, causing him to manipulate Poseidon Brats and friends to go on a an evil and manipulating trip. Sending dream right now._

Dear Diary,

Yes! Yes! Yes! Poseidon Brat and friends fell for our trap!

Poseidon Brat, a stupid daughter of Athena (if that's even possible), and some weird Cyclops barged into the ship, acted rude, and were bratty. Of course, Luke released them so that they could go on this evil journey. They refused all offers to join, though. They don't know what they're missing!

**Didn't update for a long time. Will work harder next time, I swear. Please review. This chapter didn't come out as well as I would've liked, either. And if you read "Thalia's Summer," this chapter is a huge spoiler for you.**


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